A Hero Never Dies

You named this "Keith and Brandi's Corner," however I never wrote anything. I just followed. So, in memory of you, here goes.

It's about 12:30 in the morning and sleep will not find me tonight. I lie in bed and listen for noises. You was such a strong leader and protector of our house. I never worried about noises. The worst thing to happen in the night is your cuddling would make it hot and I would elbow you to turn over saying, "Honey, it's hot, roll over." On occasion, it was, "Honey, you're snoring, turn over." Now, I lie in bed, alone, listening for noises.

Each morning I wake up thinking that you're still here. It takes a second for reality to kick in for me to realize that you're gone. I can't stand the fact that Jacob has to see disappointment on my face each morning, at 3pm when you don't come home, and again before bed. I try not to cry around him. He is such a joyous child and I never want to steal that from him.

God blessed us with such a wonderful bundle of joy. Each morning I pick up your photograph and point to it saying, "Da Da." I hope that he can connect that to you. I have no idea how I will explain to him someday as to why he doesn't have a daddy when all the other kids do. It hurts my heart to know that such a wonderful father was ripped away from such a wonderful son. I dread the loneliness that will accompany Jacob's first birthday along with the holidays.

I wanted to have so many more kids with you. I gave away all of Jacob's old baby clothes the other day. Obviously we will not be having any more children. I couldn't stand the constant reminder.

We were going places, you and me. We had so many plans. Remember how retirement was supposed to be awesome? I welcome aging at this point because I know that I will be closer to seeing you, but I'm also scared because I know that I will not have anyone to depend on when I'm elderly except Jacob.

At times I feel angry. You were such a faithful husband. I always trusted you. It burdens me to know that you took a bullet for infidelity when you were such a faithful, christian man.

I never told you enough how much I loved and appreciated you. That is something that I will regret for the rest of my life. You are my hero and I hope that you know that. I am so proud of you. I will never stop loving you and I can't wait to see you again. Please know that I will do my best to raise Jacob the way we planned.

Since you and I will again never be in this "corner" of yours together, this will be the final posting. Maybe in a couple of years I will remove the account. So, for anyone else that may see this, I will write a little bit about you and perhaps those who weren't close to you will see the real you....

Keith was the most handsome man I ever met. We met the summer before our senior year of high school. We started dating in October of 2001. Keith was quite a different person then (as was I). Anyone who knew Keith in high school but not recently probably doesn't really know Keith at this point. We married August 6, 2005. He was the type of husband that would make dinner as I was on my way home from work, would keep Jacob both of his off days, and would drive to Nashville once a week and eat lunch with me so I could see them both. Keith would write me "citations" and leave them in my car for me to find later. In his citations, he would write his car name as "bubbles" instead of 507 (my nickname for him was cuddlefish- hence "bubbles" the car). He would autograph the bottom with just a picture of a fish.

We were saved in 2007 at First Baptist Church of Dickson. From that point on, our lives changed, drastically. Keith became the wonderful man that you all know him as today. He wanted to tell others about Christ and wanted to help rebuild in Haiti and Zimbabwe. He was taking flying lessons because he felt that God was calling him to become a mission pilot. Keith had a hobby of fishing that then turned to cycling.

We had Jacob 12/9/2010. We were completely blessed but still at each other's throats (probably due to lack of sleep and stress). Jacob looks like his daddy and is the most joyous baby I've ever seen (not just saying that because he's my kid). Jacob had Keith wrapped around his finger.

Keith was so much more to me than a husband and the father of my child. He would fill in the "gaps" left by my family when they weren't there for me. I never worried about them not being there for me because Keith was always there for me. There is so much more about this wonderful man, but I'm sure anyone who's reading this already knows that.

So, It is now 1:45 am and I may try to lie down again. This post will close Keith and Brandi's Corner. I am so sorry to those of you who were also close to Keith. I know that he had a special impact on your life, too.

Goodnight, cuddlefish. I can't wait to see you again in Heaven.